HERE'S TWO FUNNY ONES FOR YOU!

Two blondes are walking down the street.
One notices a compact on the sidewalk
and leans down to pick it up.
She opens it, looks in the mirror and says,
"Hmmm, this person looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"
So the first Blonde hands her the compact.
She looks in the mirror and says, "You dumb ass, it's me!"

Josh was helping Sally, the blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit".
Looking at it a little closer,
he noticed a stick of dynamite inside.

Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for.


She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit."

Josh said, "I can see that, but why?"

Sally replied,
"In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires."

[hope I never meet this woman hehehe~!]
YOUR FRIEND
DEAN

HERE'S MY FINAL THOUGHT
FOR TODAY:

"BACK FROM VACATION OR SOMEONES IN TROUBLE:

There was once a man whose wife had gone for a vacation.
When she comes back from vacation and starts reorganizing her wardrobe, the wife finds that there are two panties in her dresser which do not belong to her.
Seeing this, she gets very angry and calls her husband
and asks him, "Whose panties are these?"
Taken aback, he replies, "I have no idea"'
She gets really irritated and asks him to tell the truth,
and then calls the maid.
She questions the maid and asks her who these panties belong to.


The maid replies, "Madam, how do I know?
These panties don't belong to me.
I don't wear panties,
you can ask Sir,
he knows it."

someones in a lot of trouble!


DEAN

I BET YOU YOUNG LADIES HAVE MET A GUY LIKE THIS:

"OVER CONFINDENTANCE!".........

A rather confident young man walks into a bar
and takes a seat next to a very attractive young woman.
He gives her a quick glance,
then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch
and I was testing it."

Intrigued, the woman says,
"A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.


"What's it telling you now?" she asked.

"Well, it says that you're not wearing any panties..."

The woman giggles & replies,
"Well it must be broken then, because I am wearing panties!"


The man exclaims, "Damn - this thing must be an hour fast!"


DEAN

COMING HOME TO MARGE"........

Marge was in bed with a man (not her husband).
All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs.
"Oh, my God, your husband is home! What am I going to do?"

"Just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk, he ain't gonna notice you here with me."
The fear of getting caught trying to escape was more powerful than the thought of getting caught in bed with Marge,
so he trusted her advice.
Sure enough, Marge's husband came crawling into bed
and as he pulled the covers over him,
he pulled the blankets, exposing six feet.
"Honey!" he yelled.
"What the hell is going on?
I see six feet at the end of the bed!"
"Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count.
If you don't believe me, count them again."
The husband got out of bed, and counted.
"One, two, three, four...
By gosh, you're right, dear!"

DEAN

AND STILL TRUE TODAY!

Top Ten Lessons We've Learned From The 2000 Election
BY DAVID LETTERMAN:

10. Haven't heard "oral" on CNN this much since the whole Lewinsky thing

9. Voters prefer guy who lies about drinking to guy who lies about fundraising

8. If you keep saying, "I'm the President," eventually people start to believe you

7. In Florida, it's possible to go directly from cocktail waitress to Secretary of State

6. Gone are the good old days when politicians really knew how to rig an election

5. It's been a lot of trouble for two guys no one really liked in the first place

4. You can win any state if you work hard enough -- and your brother's governor

3. Warren Christopher is one sexy sum-bitch

2. If you want Gore for President, don't check the box for Buchanan

1. We'll be spared all of this in 2004 when Hillary waxes W's ass

From "The Late Show with David Letterman", 12/11/2000


DEAN